Captain Eric: Marines Like to be Looked At – 05

“I’m not a bottom. I’m not a top. I like to think of myself as a team player.” -Cpt. Eric

Z: You invited Corporal Alex and me over for dinner one night, and there were five or six other Marines in attendance. One of them pointed to the underside of a cake box that he had brought, and showed you the inscription there that read, “THIS IS THE BOTTOM.” He said, “This is for you, Eric.”

E: Well, first of all, they’re all bottoms. So [that] could have [applied to] any of ‘em. [Pause.] I tend to think — I guess I’ve really accepted myself for who I am, for what I am, for what I like. And most of my gay Marine friends — I’m not gonna judge ‘em, because they’re great guys, and I love ‘em all to death. But I don’t think they are as sexually fulfilled as I am, or as they would like to be. I queen out a lot when I’m around them, just because it makes light of the situation. I think I’m a good actor. And it is an act. They play along with it, and it’s all in good fun, and whenever I’m around them, I tell them that, yeah, I’m a bottom, I’m proud of it, and any gay guy that’s not a bottom is a frustrated heterosexual who is unfulfilled sexually.

Now, let’s go back to the truth: I’m not a bottom. I’m not a top. I like to think of myself as a team player. Nothing turns me off more than when I meet someone who says that they are an exclusive top. It is a sign of selfishness. Because the attitude behind it is: “That’s all I like. And why should I do something that I don’t like?” Well, because maybe that would make me feel good. And an exclusive bottom, that I don’t understand. Because I think I do get more pleasure out of being on top. Just the physical satisfaction; the stimulus is better. But at the same time, I get a certain amount of pleasure out of the other.

Z: What do you mean by “team player”?

E: Marines I think understand this better than [members of] the other services. It means that I’ll have duty this weekend, and you can go do whatever you want to do, then next weekend you’ll have duty and I can go do whatever I want to do. That way we can all get a certain amount of satisfaction. There’s a lot of reasons for the stereotype that “all Marines are bottoms,” but for me, and for the guys I know, that’s the primary reason. They’re not bottoms; they’re versatile. Of course, all these homos in Hill crest — if you’ve ever bottomed even once you’re thought of as a bottom.

That Marines are used to being so macho that when they get in the bedroom they want to fulfill their feminine side — I think that reason’s a crock of shit. Because — Another reason why I think Marines tend to be bottoms is that Marines like to see how much pain they can endure. Marines are taught at boot camp that pain is weakness leaving the body. And I know I’ve carried that idea to the bedroom. The first couple times when I had sex, and I was a bottom — it was painful, but I was proud of myself for enduring the pain. And that’s very much the opposite of a feminine thing. So the idea that bottoms are women or sissies or queens I think is bullshit, because I think it takes a lot more masculinity to be a bottom than to be a top.

Z: Do you think straight Marines who end up in bed with other men and want to be fucked by them want that for the same reasons?

E: It’s probably because it’s generally what’s expected. And Marines, more than most people and most other servicemen, want to do what’s expected. I know for me, the first couple times I bottomed, it was because I thought I had to. I thought that’s what one man did when he had sex with another. So the first guy I had sex with, he fucked me, and I thought, okay, now it’s my turn to fuck you, and he said no. I didn’t realize that was an option; I was totally stunned. And from that point on I’ve really been turned off by that attitude. These guys that are married or straight-identified and want to get fucked, I guess it’s because they think that’s what they have to do.

Z: You’ve talked about playing the bottom out of a sense of fairness, and enduring the pain, but of course a lot of people take physical pleasure in —

E: Yeah. There’s thirty seconds of pain and then it’s pleasure. Speaking from my experience.

Z: Alex theorizes that boot camp instills in Marines a “craving to serve” that may carry over sexually.

E: At TBS [the basic school] at Quantico, there was a second lieutenant named Bob. He was very well respected, because he had been a staff non-commissioned officer. In fact, he had been a drill instructor. He was an open-minded person, and it was surprising to me, because he was kind of a gruff older guy. Not your typical second lieutenant. And he made the comment that, when he was a senior drill instructor, he was so well-loved by the recruits (because it’s the junior drill instructors that are the real hard-asses, the ones that they hate) that he could have gone up to any recruit and said, “I want to fuck you up the ass,” and they would have let him.